The Marriage Plot
by Fortune Maiden
Summary: After dealing with one too many pranks against an increasingly paranoid Lord Tatsuoki, the Saito Retainers decide that Hanbei needs something more important to focus his attention on when not on the battlefield: A Wife. There is no possible way this can backfire...


Disclaimer: Standard Fanfiction Disclaimer applies. Also note that this fic features characters who are not playable characters in the Samurai Warriors series. These characters include: The Mino Three (Ando Morinari, Ujiie Bokuzen and Inaba Ittetsu), and Oyu who like in "The Runaround" was more or less lifted directly from Eiji Yoshikawa's _Taiko_.

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><p><strong>The Marriage Plot<strong>

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><p>I.<p>

In a dimly lit hall of Inabayama Castle's highest floor, a small group of Saito retainers stood gathered around an opened door, taking in the castle's latest incident with varying levels of exasperation.

"Alright, _this_ is going too far," Ujiie Bokuzen was the first to speak. His low angry tone echoed the thoughts of everyone gathered.

"After last month's incident, I didn't even think it was possible to go any further," someone said, shaking his head in disbelief.

"Oh please, last month's prank was just _cute _compared to this mess," another sneered, "At least last month; all we had to do was go buy more sake."

"Something tells me we're going to be doing plenty of that _this_ month too," a third retainer grumbled.

Inaba Ittetsu quietly closed the door to the offending room, and looked inside an adjacent one. A shake of his head quickly revealed that it too bore the same results.

"How many rooms is that now?" Ittetsu asked, his voice steady.

"Seven," Bokuzen answered, "Though that's only this wing. According to Lord Tatsuoki, it's everywhere." He groaned. "I am even inclined to believe him this time." A chorus of groans broke out. Everyone started speaking at once.

"I have just about had it with that little brat and his pranks."

"How did Lord Tatsuoki react to this one?"

"Some yelling, some incoherent babbling, some crying, a lot of drinking…the same as usual, really."

"So he's getting away with it _again_?"

"Of course he is! Why wouldn't he? He's gotten away with everything else!"

"If only he hadn't been so favored by Lord Dosan and Lord Yoshihatsu…"

"Why bring up the dead? If only his _sister_ wasn't so favored by Lord _Tatsuoki_—

"Enough." Mitsuhide's sharp voice cut through everyone else's and he fixed a hard glare at the person who last spoke, "Do not even joke about that. If that were true, _this_ would be "cute in comparison"." He was exaggerating, probably, but it had the desired effect. Everyone's complaining lowered to muffled whispers.

"What we need to focus on now is cleaning this mess up," Mitsuhide was the one of the few men left who had a shred of patience for these antics. It helped immensely that he was on good terms with the offending party, and understood how he thought better than anyone else. He knew there was a method to this madness, and as soon as he figured out what it was, it would be easy to fix. Unfortunately, no one else shared these thoughts.

"What we need to focus on, is _stopping_ this idiocy entirely," a particularly infuriated retainer—one of Lord Tatsuoki's favorites countered, "He thinks that just because he's fended off the Oda a few times with his tricks, he's in charge of this castle now."

"Hanbei's strategies have been an immense help to all of us," Mitsuhide explained calmly, earning a few glares for referring to the detested prankster by name, "I agree that he's been far too restless though." It used to be that little pranks would occur every once in a while whenever Hanbei and Lord Tatsuoki had a particularly bad disagreement. But those isolated incidents were starting to increase in frequency (if not intensity) at a very alarming rate and were starting to be felt by everyone around them as well.

"If it's energy he needs to burn, let him come to the dojo for once in his life," a burly retainer snapped, "I'll beat that energy out of him." There was plenty of agreement to that suggestion.

"No, that won't accomplish anything," Ando Morinari, the _other_ retainer who still had any semblance of affection for the little strategist, spoke. Unlike the other men in the hall, he wore a thoughtful smile on his face. Bokuzen and Ittetsu recognized that smile immediately.

"What are you scheming, Morinari?" Ittetsu asked with a frown.

"Don't tell me you've thought of a way to reign in the little brat," Bokuzen was far more hopeful.

Morinari nodded. "I believe that Hanbei would ease off Lord Tatsuoki quite a bit if there were something else for him to focus his attention on," his smile grew, "And I think I know just the thing."

* * *

><p>II.<p>

"Marriage?" Oyu repeated the word slowly, unable to contain her surprise. Morinari nodded, his pleasant smile never leaving his face, even as Oyu struggled not to laugh.

"Please don't hold back, my dear," he told her, having fully expecting this; "If this is how you feel about the suggestion, I suspect your brother's reaction will be even worse." To her credit, Oyu didn't laugh, but she did crack a shaky grin.

"My sincerest apologies, Lord Morinari, but I'm afraid it's just so sudden," she lowered her head politely, "and my brother is still so young." Or rather, he _looked_ so young. Though Hanbei was among the youngest of Lord Tatsuoki's retainers, it was almost comical how he looked younger than the page boys. But as he always said, never judge others on appearances.

"He had his coming-of-age ceremony a few years ago, and he is the head of the Takenaka Clan," Morinari reminded her, "It's only natural that he take a wife and produce an heir as soon as possible." Though it was clear to Morinari that Oyu didn't agree with this reasoning at all, she nodded slowly.

"I suppose, but...forgive my boldness, but my brother has already been the Clan Head for years. If I may ask, why bring up marriage now?" Morinari considered dodging the question, but he knew that if he wanted Oyu's help, he would need to be honest with her.

"Oyu, I'm sure you've heard about your brother's latest prank on poor Lord Tatsuoki?" The grimace on her face immediately revealed she had. "I don't think I need to tell you how out of hand this is getting."

"I sincerely apologize on my brother's behalf," she bowed low, "I only found out after he already did it. Had I known earlier, I would have tried to stop him." Morinari shrugged.

"No, I don't think there's anything you could have done," he whistled, "And frankly, it's downright impressive that he managed to swap the furniture of _every_ room on the top floor in one night in such a way that we can't fully figure out which room used to be which."

"Yes. He's really outdone himself this time," she remarked dryly.

"He really has. I miss the days when he was just filling every one of Lord Tatsuoki's sake bottles with water, or scaring off potential concubines with unflattering rumors. _Those_ were actually pretty funny. To an extent of course."

"Of course."

"But now, these practical jokes have made Lord Tatsuoki _unbearably_ paranoid," he placed particular stress on "unbearable" so Oyu would fully understand who the real victims of Hanbei's little hobby were. Her frown deepened.

"But what does this have to do with marriage?" she asked meekly.

"Oyu, hear this from a fellow man. Your brother is a genius. The field of battle is a place of quick thought and action, which suits your brother's talents perfectly. Out there, he performs his duty exceptionally. The problem is when he's not on the battlefield. He's downright bored here in the castle where no one even comes close to matching wits with him, and he relieves his boredom with all of this mischief. What Hanbei needs is something to focus his attention on when he's not out there fighting the Oda."

"A wife." Oyu finished. Morinari could see that she was beginning to understand his motives, but Oyu still had her reservations.

"Lord Morinari, if I may, why are you telling _me_ about this? Isn't this a matter that you should take up with my brother directly?"

Morinari laughed brightly. "Oh Oyu, you always were a clever one," he told her warmly, "You of all people should know what kind of man Hanbei is. If I came to him directly, he'd worm his way out of the conversation as soon as he realized what I was insinuating."

"Yes," she admitted with a small rueful smile of her own, "That does sound like something he would do."

"But if you would approach him with this topic, he might, at the very least, hear you out," Morinari winked at her. It was a well known fact that Hanbei had a bit of a soft spot for his younger sister, and would easily lower his guard around her. He would be far more receptive to the idea of marriage if the suggestion came from her rather than a crafty old friend of his late father's.

"Very well," Oyu agreed, "I will speak with him tonight."

Morinari nodded and stood up, ready to leave. "Thank you, my dear," his smile grew, "I'm counting on you."

* * *

><p>III.<p>

Oyu was starting to regret this. Ando Morinari may have been something like an uncle to her, but she never should have let him talk her into this. It wasn't that she disagreed with him, no, just the opposite. After spending the day thinking it over, she supposed it really wasn't _too_ bad of an idea for her brother to marry. She had thought up several ways to bring up the topic over dinner, but now that Hanbei was right in front of her, happily eating away, she found her resolve shattered.

She felt like she was deceiving him…but she promised Lord Morinari…

"Oyu, are you alright? You're so quiet," Hanbei's voice roused her from her conflicting thoughts and she found herself staring into his concerned eyes.

"I'm alright," she sputtered turning away, "I was just…thinking."

"Oh?" Hanbei relaxed a little, "What about? Anything I can help with?" He was always so sincere and gentle towards her, which usually made it easy for her to talk to him.

_Just say it_, she scolded herself, _the worst that could happen is he'll say "No."_

Oyu took a deep breath. "Brother, I was thinking about marriage," she blurted out as quickly as she could. The effect was instantaneous. Hanbei's smile vanished, his eyes bulged, and he slowly, very slowly set down his bowl of rice.

"Marriage?" he asked in a small voice. Oyu nodded. She knew she really had to sell it now, or he would never let her get another word about the topic in ever again. So she continued.

"I've been thinking about it for a while now actually," her voice was shaking with nerves. What was it that Lord Morinari said? "I mean, the timing is about right, and it's only natural and, um, things have been fairly, um, peaceful lately." She felt her face grow hot with embarrassment as she took in Hanbei's frown. Before she could stop herself, she also added, "And t-this is the kind of thing a woman dreams of, so you'd be making a certain girl very happy."

Hanbei bit his lip. His face was starting to match hers. But unlike Oyu, Hanbei was a master at keeping his emotions in check, so he managed to stay calm.

"Marriage," he repeated the word again and shook his head, "How very…sudden. Oyu, are you really sure about this? No one's pressuring you, right?" He sounded suspicious. For a moment, Oyu panicked. If he realized that Lord Morinari asked her to do this, what would he do? She didn't want to find out.

"Of course not!" she exclaimed, and in a defiant tone added, "Brother, marriage is such a huge step forward in one's life! How could you even think I'd talk to you about this on behalf of someone else?" Oyu hated raising her voice, but to her relief it worked. The frown on Hanbei's face instantly vanished and he quickly apologized.

Then it was quiet. Oyu had said her piece, and now could only watch as her brother thought it over. She didn't dare interrupt his focus. Just the fact that Hanbei was sitting there thinking it over at all instead of running away was a miracle and Oyu was certain that if she said anything unnecessary now, the spell would be broken.

After many excruciatingly long minutes, Hanbei sighed. "Marriage, huh," he smiled softly, "I suppose I always knew this day would come. Oyu?" He signaled her to come closer, so she slowly slid herself across the floor until she was right beside him. Her eyes were hopeful.

"Tell me, is this something that would make you happy?" Hanbei asked her gently. Oyu had pondered that all day. She was so used to it being just the two of them, that the idea of her brother inviting another woman into his life was troubling. But at the same time she knew that Hanbei would still be her doting brother no matter what, and as his sister, she should've been happy that her brother was finally taking his duties as Clan Head so seriously. So there was no falseness in her words when she said,

"Yes."

Hanbei pat her knee affectionately. "Alright then. Leave everything to me."

Oyu was so ecstatic, she hugged him.

* * *

><p>IV.<p>

"Mitsuhide, I need a groom."

Having known Hanbei for many years, there was little he could do that would genuinely surprise Mitsuhide. But when Hanbei suddenly appeared before him the following day with such a befuddled expression and those words, Mitsuhide could only look up from the chart he was reading, stare and wait for the punch line.

There wasn't one.

"A groom?" he repeated, just to make sure he'd heard correctly.

He had. "Yeah, I need you to round up all of the young eligible bachelors in this castle and help me pick one out."

Mitsuhide kept staring.

"It's for my sister," Hanbei finally explained.

Oh. That was…actually, that still made little sense. Mitsuhide set down the chart on the table, giving Hanbei his full attention. "Oyu's getting married?"

"Yep. She asked for my approval just last night!" Hanbei was beaming.

"Congratulations," Mitsuhide said, but at the back of his mind, something wasn't adding up correctly. However, seeing as his thoughts were overflowing with maps, vases and folding screens, Hanbei's announcement wasn't a particular priority for him. He looked back down at his chart.

_Alright, so this room used to have the red vase with the dragon on it. I know I've seen it somewhere today_…

"Mitsuhide," Hanbei whined, "Come on. I need your help!"

"Hanbei, I'm busy."

"But this is important!"

"So is this," Mitsuhide replied, just a little less calmly, "I'm trying to figure out what you did to this floor so we could put it back to the way it was. Lord Tatsuoki did not appreciate your redecorating and he's taking it out on the rest of us."

"Oh yeah, _that_. You guys are taking a lot longer than I expected. That's not good at all." Hanbei shrugged nonchalantly. Mitsuhide just ignored that. Reprimanding Hanbei for his words or actions was nothing more than an exercise in futility, and Mitsuhide learned long ago that not rising to his taunts was only way to get along.

He went back to his crudely drawn map, his thoughts drowning out Hanbei's further attempts to get his attention.

_If I recall correctly, this desk here was originally in a room on the east side. But where exactly?_

"Hey Mitsuhide, did you know that this floor is perfectly symmetrical? The east and west sides and the north and south are exactly the same shape." Hanbei suddenly said, making Mitsuhide jolt up.

"_What_?"

"Oh never mind," Hanbei frowned. He walked up behind him, leaned over his shoulder to get a good look at the map, and nodded. Then, Hanbei suddenly latched onto Mitsuhide's arm urging him to stand up to follow him.

"This can wait, Oyu's wedding can't," he said impatiently. Mitsuhide pulled his arm free. Now fully aware that he wouldn't be able to work in peace until he gave in to Hanbei's demands, Mitsuhide just sighed.

Hanbei was always fairly independent even as a child prone to crying and getting lost, so for him to come to Mitsuhide for anything revealed just how serious the situation was for him. Mitsuhide was sympathetic, really. He had a little daughter at home, and though marriage for her was decades away, he supposed he too would get anxious when the time came for him to find her a husband.

But he really didn't understand what Hanbei wanted from him.

"Didn't I already say that? Help me find someone in this castle who doesn't hate me enough to become my brother-in-law." Hanbei pouted.

"After this latest stunt? It's a short list."

"Your sarcasm is not appreciated Mitsuhide," Hanbei pouted. Mitsuhide bit his tongue to keep from making another snappy comeback. Hanbei was a good guy, really. His company made for intelligent conversation, and Mitsuhide really did consider him a friend. But this friend was really making it difficult to appreciate that, and Mitsuhide's patience was growing thin.

No, he pushed the witty quip aside. He wasn't going to let Hanbei get to him so easily.

"Alright, fine, lead the way," he sighed. Mitsuhide knew that the sooner he indulged him, the sooner he could go back to work. And if he could make Hanbei cooperative enough to actually help him, he could even get something done!

As Hanbei cheerfully led him through the castle halls, Mitsuhide began to draw the conclusion that it wasn't that Hanbei actually needed (or wanted) Mitsuhide's input on the matter, but rather that he was very well aware of just how unpopular he was with the other vassals and was taking precautionary measures. Mitsuhide didn't miss the looks they were getting. Between the other men glaring and whispering amongst themselves as Hanbei walked past, it didn't take long for Mitsuhide to start feeling nervous himself. Several times he saw hands on weapons and instinctively rested his hand on the hilt of his own sword for comfort.

Hanbei was never a popular guy in the castle, even before his childish feud with Tatsuoki began, but the tension between him and the others had never felt so raw. This really was getting too out of hand.

After wandering through the animosity for a while, Mitsuhide was nothing short of grateful when Morinari suddenly appeared, having been looking for Hanbei. He briefly considered making his exit while Hanbei was distracted, but ultimately decided against it, knowing Hanbei would just go after him later anyway.

"Hanbei, just the man I wanted to see,' Morinari was wearing his usual grin.

"Oh, hello there Lord Morinari. How can I help you?" Hanbei said in a cordial tone. Mitsuhide twitched.

"I heard the good news from little Oyu and just wanted to double-check with you," he was practically glowing with excitement. Mitsuhide suddenly remembered his words from the other night.

"Yep, I fully approve," Hanbei told him, "How could I not, when my only sister asks me so nicely."

"That's great, but I hope you're not just agreeing to this for her sake," Morinari said, "Marriage is a big commitment."

"Lord Morinari, I always knew it would happen sooner or later," Hanbei agreed, "I've prepared myself." This made Morinari's smile grow even wider. Mitsuhide found himself cutting in.

"Morinari, what is this about exactly?" That nagging feeling had returned, much stronger now. Between Morinari's plot (whatever it really was) and Hanbei's behavior, something wasn't matching up.

"Of course, of course," Morinari gave him a reassuring wink, "The truth is Hanbei, your sister and I discussed this matter at length yesterday."

"Oh?" Hanbei watched him carefully.

"Somehow I just knew she'd be able to get your approval, so I've gone ahead and set up a marriage meeting."

"Oh." Hanbei considered this carefully. Mitsuhide pondered this as well. Morinari had always been close with Hanbei's father, and he had known Hanbei and his siblings since they were small (in fact, Mitsuhide considered at least some of Hanbei's cheek to be a result of Morinari's influence). If anyone would be able to find Oyu a husband who would treasure her, it would be him.

Hanbei seemed to reach the same conclusion.

"If it's someone you approve of, then I'm definitely looking forward to this meeting," he smiled, "I do trust you Lord Morinari, but I'm still getting the final say, alright?"

"Of course, that's how it should be," Morinari ruffled his hair playfully, "But I'm sure you'll approve. We're talking about my own kid after all!"

"Oh?" Hanbei cocked his head to the side, "How interesting." Behind him, Mitsuhide's frown grew.

"We'll have the marriage meeting at my home, alright? I've sent a letter so they can prepare for your visit. Three days from now should be good, right?"

"Sounds good to me. I'll let Oyu know," Hanbei agreed, "Thanks Lord Morinari."

"No problem, Hanbei," Morinari told him, "Now then, I really need to get back to work. That furniture isn't going to move itself." He gave Hanbei a sly look, silently asking him to give a hint.

"Yeah, I guess you're right," Hanbei sighed dramatically, "Mitsuhide said something about that too."

"_Something?_" Mitsuhide grumbled.

"How about helping out a little?" Morinari pressed.

"Ah, no can do, Lord Tatsuoki banned be from that floor until further notice. Mitsuhide, don't tell anyone you saw me up there alright?" There was no way to tell if Hanbei was telling the truth or if this was another one of his bad excuses, but he was quick to make his exit from an unpleasant situation, and Mitsuhide and Morinari were powerless to stop him.

But with Hanbei gone, Mitsuhide could get back to work at least. Something about this whole situation was still weighing on him, but seeing as it wasn't really any of his business, he quickly put it out of his mind.

Instead, it came back to haunt him later.

Mitsunari had finished cataloguing the items in several more rooms when Bokuzen dropped in on him, to check on his progress. They exchanged greetings, compared their findings, disputed some details, and made a bit of general small talk before turning to head their separate ways. Before Bokuzen left though, he suddenly asked,

"Have you heard about Morinari's scheme yet? For reigning in Hanbei?"

"Yes," Mitsuhide answered him, "I was with Hanbei when they went over the details."

"What do you think of it?"

Mitsuhide shrugged. "I think the wedding will keep Hanbei busy for a little while, but I fail to see how it'll reign in his behavior in the long run."

Bokuzen laughed. "You're so cynical," he teased, "With a loving wife, and hopefully with a child on the way soon, he'll have better things to do than make Lord Tatsuoki's life miserable. You know how it is." Mitsuhide whipped around as soon as he heard those words, but Bokuzen already left. He stared at the door in stunned silence.

"A _wife_?" Mitsuhide repeated the word to the empty room.

He did hear that correctly, right?

Suddenly, Mitsuhide understood what had been troubling him. Morinari had a large family, and admittedly Mitsuhide didn't know all that much about it, but if Mitsuhide recalled correctly (and clearly, he did), Morinari's only unmarried children at the moment were _daughters_.

Somehow, _someone_ was _very _confused.

Mitsuhide briefly considered chasing down Hanbei and filling him in on a few little details, but after a moment, decided against it. Seeing as he still had a floor full of rooms to unscramble, he decided that Hanbei could just figure it out for himself when he met the bride.

* * *

><p>V.<p>

Oyu clapped her hands in delight when she heard the news. At seeing her overjoyed expression, Hanbei felt his own worries melt away. Despite approving the wedding, he had some doubts about handing his sister over to another man, but those doubts meant little if it made her so happy.

She had nodded along happily as Hanbei told her about Morinari's invitation, before starting to giggle.

"Hm? What's so funny?" Hanbei asked her playfully.

"Nothing, I just can't believe this is really happening," she told him, "And you're being so mature about this, Brother."

"Of course!" he puffed out his chest proudly, "Don't take your big brother lightly when it comes to things like this."

"Yes, sir!" she laughed and Hanbei laughed with her. Would they would be able to spend time like this after Oyu was married? He certainly hoped so, and this was one thing he would definitely impress on her groom when they met. But if the groom was one of Morinari's kids, then it shouldn't have been a problem. Morinari was practically family as it were, so if Oyu absolutely had to get married, Hanbei was glad it would be into the Ando clan.

Admittedly though, he was drawing a blank on which of Morinari's sons were currently unmarried, but Hanbei decided he would just have to wait and see for himself.

* * *

><p>VI.<p>

There had to be some mistake. Hanbei, with his sharp memory, reanalyzed every word that had ever been said about this marriage, and nowhere could he find any explanation for _this_.

Hanbei and Oyu had arrived at the Ando household as scheduled. They gave their greetings to the lady of the house and Morinari's eldest son, before Morinari himself appeared and led them to a small room. Inside that room, a small table and two elegant pillows had been set up, and a beautiful young _woman_ in a dark blue kimono sat on one of them. She bowed as soon as they came in.

"Hanbei, this is my daughter, Tokugetsu-In," Morinari introduced her, "What do you think? She looks like her old man, doesn't she?" Hanbei didn't really see much of a resemblance, but he was too stunned to comment so he just nodded.

"Well go on, Brother," Oyu urged him, exchanging a knowing smile with the girl, "Lord Morinari and I will wait for you in the next room." Hanbei, who had never actually attended a marriage meeting before, nodded. He probably should have asked Mitsuhide about how these things were supposed to work. He always thought the bride had to meet with the groom, so why was Oyu sticking with Morinari while he was left with the gr—Morinari's daughter? Was it because they had already talked it over in the past? Oyu clearly knew the girl, so was this whole meeting just to get Hanbei's approval? Somehow, Hanbei missed his chance to ask before he found himself alone in the room, and was left with no choice but to sit down in front of the young _woman_.

Tokugetsu-In smiled at him coyly, likely waiting for him to say something. Hanbei could only imagine how it looked for him to be staring at her like that. But for someone who always had plenty to say, Hanbei was at a loss for words. Fortunately, Tokugetsu-In finally spoke up.

"So you are the famous Takenaka Hanbei," she said with a sly smile, "My father has told me a lot about you. Forgive my saying so, but you are a _little_ different from how I envisioned."

"Yeah, same here," Hanbei muttered. _I didn't expect you to be a girl_, was what he wanted to say, but somehow he didn't think that would go over too well with her. Oyu clearly she knew who she was supposed to be meeting and Morinari was his usual easy-going self, so was Hanbei the only weird one here?

He couldn't be.

"There's no mistake or anything, right? You are the one I'm supposed to be meeting, right?" He said this quietly to himself, but Tokugetsu-In heard every word and her face darkened.

"Of course! How rude of you," she scowled, "Do I fail your expectations already?" Her words brought Hanbei to his senses and he immediately backpedaled.

"No, of course not! Please forgive me," he lowered his head, "I was just a little surprised. I'm afraid I was just kept in the dark about a lot of this. Your father's told me absolutely nothing but it really is a pleasure to finally meet you."

"You too," To Hanbei's relief, Tokugetsu-In seemed satisfied with that answer, "Say, is it true that you rearranged all of the rooms in Inabayama castle?" Hanbei grinned. That seemed to be the topic on everyone's minds these days.

"Just the top floor," he clarified, "Last I checked, they're making some progress in fixing it now."

"Why would you do such a thing?" There was no reproach in her voice, just innocent curiosity. _Well she's certainly direct_, Hanbei mused. That was alright though. He'd wanted to discuss his motives with someone, but judgmental types like Mitsuhide were no good, and Oyu never asked.

"I had my reasons," Hanbei told her, "Mainly I just wanted to see if I could actually do it, but it's also good practice for Lord Tatsuoki and his sycophants. All warfare is deception and if they can't even see through such a simple trick in the castle they're supposed to be so familiar with, they'll never see the big picture on the battlefield. I'm really disappointed that no one's figured out the trick though. And I even gave Mitsuhide such an obvious hint."

"What is the trick?" Tokugetsu-In pressed. Her eyes were sparkling.

Hanbei laughed sinisterly. "That's my little secret." When he saw Tokugetsu-In's pout though, he added, "Sorry, but I can't reveal that when your father is in the next room. He still has to figure it out himself."

"Very well," Tokugetsu-In conceded, "But then after the wedding, when I am away from his influence, you must tell me." Hanbei didn't miss that last bit.

_So she's marrying into _our_ family?_ He wondered, _Interesting._

"Say, can I ask you something?" Hanbei asked her.

"Of course, anything you wish!"

"You and Oyu…have you known each other long?" Hanbei figured he may as well get to the heart of this meeting. This was why he was here after all. And while Hanbei still didn't fully grasp of why Oyu's intended was a woman, he wasn't particularly troubled by it. Sure, it was unusual, but if this was what Oyu wanted, he'd make it work.

"Ah yes, we have," Tokugetsu-In admitted warmly, "We are close in age and our clans have been very friendly for years, so she has always been very dear to me. It is my sincerest hope that this marriage will bring us even closer."

Well that was all the confirmation Hanbei needed. Anyone who spoke of Oyu in such a warm loving tone was definitely someone he would support with all of his power. Though this was definitely Hanbei's first time Tokugetsu-In, there was something very familiar about her. Perhaps Oyu spoke of her in the past, and he just didn't remember. Although, thinking it over now, Hanbei did vaguely recall his sister lamenting over not being able to see a close friend very often anymore once. It had been shortly after she'd left Bodaisan to live with him at his small house in the innermost part of Inabayma's castle town, but since she never brought it up again, Hanbei figured she'd found her own solution.

_I guess the separation became too much to bear_, he mused.

"Of course, I do know how close you are with your sister," Tokugetsu-In continued, "Even after we are married; I promise I will not get in between the two of you. But in return, I do expect you to treat me well too. I won't stand to be ignored."

Oh yes, Hanbei definitely liked this girl.

"Alright, I think we've settled the most important thing," he remarked jovially, "Let's not talk of marriage anymore. Please, tell me about yourself instead. I'd like to know more about the woman who'll be joining my family."

Tokugetsu-In's cheeks turned scarlet and she covered her smile with the sleeve of her kimono.

When Morinari and Oyu appeared to check on the two of them some time later, they found both Hanbei and Tokugetsu-In in very high spirits.

"This looks like a good sign," Morinari teased. "Well?"

"Lord Morinari, your daughter is a wonderful young woman. Please leave all of the arrangements to me. I will make this wedding work. Count on it." Hanbei said determined. The bright looks around him only fueled his confidence.

* * *

><p>VII.<p>

The mood in the Takenaka household was festive that night. Upon their return, Hanbei decided that the two of them should celebrate and instructed Oyu to bring out the sake. Neither Hanbei nor Oyu were particularly fond of drinking, but on the rare special occasion, it was alright to indulge a little.

They hadn't really spoken much on the return trip. Hanbei had been too lost in his thoughts on how to actually arrange a wedding between two women. It was easy for him to _say_ he'd take care of everything, but in reality he didn't even know where to begin. He could assume that the Ando family had already accepted the arrangement seeing as they were the ones who set up the meeting, but how would his own relatives react? No, more importantly, what about anyone outside the family? Hanbei knew that word of this would get out and when it did, he would need to take every measure to protect his sister_s_.

He did come up with a few ideas on how to proceed but he wouldn't be able to actually act on any of them until at least the next day. So tonight was the time to celebrate.

"This is really happening," Oyu sighed softly pouring her brother some wine, "It's so exciting."

"It sure is," Hanbei agreed, "Have you given any thoughts on what you'll do after the wedding?"

"Ah yes, I was thinking of going back to Bodaisan," Oyu said, "I wouldn't want to get in your way. Oh! With your permission, of course."

"Granted, but you know you're always welcome here. I'm not kicking you out or anything."

"Aww, but," Oyu blushed, "You know…"

Hanbei grinned. "Ah I get it. I suppose you will want some time alone. And Bodaisan is definitely much more spacious than this place." Hanbei's primary home was a small place Lord Yoshihatsu had set up for him so he wouldn't have to strain himself traveling between his castle and Inabayama, where he spent most of his time anyway. The preferential treatment hadn't really been appreciated at the time, but Hanbei had since grown attached to his place. A small quiet place suited him much more than a large bustling castle. Though it would be a little lonely by himself.

"Did you tell any of our relatives about any of this yet?" Hanbei asked Oyu.

"Yes, I told Shigenori about the marriage meeting a few days ago."

"Yeah? How did he react?"

"He couldn't believe his ears," Oyu laughed, "He kept asking me over and over if you really agreed to it. But he is happy, I'm sure."

"He better be." Hanbei muttered.

"You should tell him the news yourself too," Oyu urged him, "And everyone else too of course."

"Don't you want to do it?"

"Wouldn't it be more appropriate if you did?" Hanbei considered it and nodded.

"Yeah, in this case, you're right," he wouldn't want Oyu to face any opposition from her beloved relatives. Better for Hanbei to work on them first. "Still I'm surprised Lord Morinari would allow his daughter to go through with this. Unlike us, she is quite valuable on the political stage." Ando Morinari may have looked like an easy-going old man, but he was one of the great Mino Three. Any tie to the Ando Clan would have been quite a relation to boast about.

"Well that just shows how much respect he has for you, Brother," Oyu assured him.

"If you say so," Hanbei wasn't too sure about that, considering his standing among the Saito vassals, but it seemed that Oyu was spending quite a bit of time with Morinari these days, so she probably knew better. Well if Hanbei and Morinari were to be linked through marriage (unusual as it were), Hanbei supposed he could afford to cut back on his pranks a little. For Morinari's sake, at least.

"Oyu, I want to give a toast, alright?" Hanbei held up his cup.

"Can I give one first, Brother? Please?" Oyu quickly poured herself a cup as well.

Hanbei laughed. "How about at the same time? Like when we were kids?"

"Alright." Oyu straightened her posture and held up her cup. Hanbei did the same.

And then, together as one, they said,

"To your upcoming wedding!"

And promptly froze in their tracks.

"_Whose_ upcoming wedding?"

* * *

><p>VIII.<p>

Oyu was stunned. She could only sit there with her hands covering her mouth as her brother paced back and forth in front of her. She wasn't sure how or why it happened, but somehow Hanbei had been thoroughly convinced that _she _was the one getting married.

He wasn't taking the truth very well.

"Engaged! _Me!_ Marriage!" He wasn't talking to her. As it quickly dawned on him on just what sort of situation he was in, Hanbei had dissolved into a babbling mess. She had never seen him act like that before.

"This can't be happening. I can't get married. No way."

"Brother—

"But I already promised to _arrange_ the thing. If I back out now…"

"Brother, please calm—

"And if I tell Morinari _why_ I suddenly don't want to marry his daughter..."

"Hanbei!"

Hanbei paused when she called his name and slowly turned to her, as if suddenly remembering she was still there. He stared.

"Brother, take a deep breath alright," her own voice was shaking, "Let's figure this out together."

"What's there to figure out? I just accidentally got engaged!" he cried out.

"How did this even happen?" Her brother was the smartest person she knew. How could he of all people make a mistake like this?

"What do you mean "how"?" Hanbei scowled, "Oyu, you told me it was a woman's dream to get married, and I'd make a _certain girl_ very happy by agreeing to it. What was I supposed to think?"

"I wasn't talking about me!"

"Yes, I know that _now_."

"But…" Oyu wasn't sure how to put it gently, "you met the _bride_."

"I know."

Oyu just stared at him as he started pacing again, his eye twitching. Could it really be that in all that time, from the moment she mentioned marriage, it had _never_ come up that _he_ was the one getting married? Not when Lord Morinari explained the marriage meeting? Not when Tokugetsu-In spoke with him?

"This is really bad," Hanbei whined, "Morinari doesn't deserve this. And Tokugetsu-In is a good girl. She _really_ doesn't deserve this. Gah! What am I going to do?"

Oyu searched her own thoughts, hoping to come with something. The situation really was awkward. Even though it came about because of a _very_ bizarre misunderstanding, the reality was that Hanbei promised to marry a girl right in front of her and her father. Oyu knew Tokugetsu-In well. She was a very willful young woman, but passionate as well. She had once confided in Oyu about her own apprehensions regarding marriage, but it really seemed that she had taken a liking to Hanbei.

Oyu could only think of one solution.

"Brother," she said seriously, "Get married."

"No." Hanbei's answer was quick and blunt.

"You were so eager to say yes to me before."

"That was different. And frankly, my answer hasn't changed. I'm positive I can make this wedding work. I don't think two girls have ever been wed before, but we can set the precedent."

"Brother, you are missing the point! It's _you_ Tokugetsu-In wants to marry. And you can't afford to break it off at this point. Our clans' longstanding friendship is at stake too."

"Oyu, I know that. But getting married isn't like accepting some lavish gift as a sign of good faith…not in this case, anyway. Tokugetsu-In needs a husband who'll care for her, listen to her," he coughed into his hand, "and other things. I can't do any of that."

"Why not?"

"I am not discussing that with you," he scowled and finally sat down. He let out a deep breath. "But the bottom line is: I don't _want_ to get married." He looked so small and defeated admitting that. It made Oyu want to cry tears of frustration on his behalf.

"Ugh! That Morinari is a scheming old snake." Hanbei grumbled, rubbing his temples. Oyu moved closer to him.

"Lord Morinari told me this marriage was to reign in your mischief," she explained softly, "You've really been causing everyone a lot of trouble at the castle."

"Yes, yes, I'm well aware." He stretched out onto his back, resting his head on folded hands.

"No, I don't think you are," Oyu continued, her voice taking on a scolding tone, "It's bad enough that Lord Tatsuoki and his favored vassals don't like you, but you are making it difficult for Lord Mitsuhide and the Mino Three to support you as well. And one of these days, Lord Tatsuoki will finally get fed up with your behavior and take matters into his own hands."

"And when that happens, I'll have finally accomplished my goal," Hanbei finished absently, ignoring Oyu's puzzled expression. "I already know all of that," he muttered.

"So why do you continue to behave like this?" She asked.

"What can I say? Lord Tatsuoki is just too much fun to pick on," a hint of his sly grin returned, much to Oyu's frustration. Suddenly, Hanbei sat up and moved to put on his sandals.

"Huh? Where are you going? Did you get an idea?"

"Probably," Hanbei laughed eerily, "Time to go whisper sweet nothings into a certain man's ear."

Oyu wasn't sure she wanted to know.

* * *

><p>IX.<p>

It wasn't often that Lord Tatsuoki summoned his vassals for a conference. Usually when there were Oda movements at the border, a quick war council would convene, but it was often led by either Hanbei or one of the Mino Three, and settled _before_ the fledgling Lord could take enough interest in it.

If Ujiie Bokuzen could give Tatsuoki one point in his favor, it was that he _at least_ left the people who knew what they doing in charge of the fighting. It wasn't a particularly good point in his favor, but at this point Bokuzen would take what he could get. The whole situation in Mino was really too volatile to needlessly stir.

Between battles though, Lord Tatsuoki was content to just do as he wished, and so it was rare for him to summon his vassals, especially so early in the day (unless of course, there was a prank that needed cleaning up). For a moment Bokuzen was afraid that Hanbei had struck again (he was sitting there with an awfully content expression), and that this was going to be another one of those incidents where Tatsuoki raged and complained while Hanbei said _just_ the right thing to get off scot-free.

He was already having his doubts about Morinari's wedding scheme. It was shocking enough that Hanbei had agreed to it, but, ever since Mitsuhide voiced his doubts, Bokuzen wondered if it really would make an effective enough distraction. Ittetsu was instead convinced that Morinari was just looking to become Hanbei's father-in-law to assume some level of authority over him and the few other retainers who were let in on the plan were betting on whether or not _that_ would work.

Bokuzen heard Tatsuoki's angry footsteps rapidly approaching and lowered his head, as did everyone around him. Tatsuoki didn't say anything when he took his seat, but when Bokuzen turned to face him, he could see a cold glare aimed directly in Hanbei's direction. Hanbei just smiled innocently at this, which only deepened Tatsuoki's frown and made him nervously jolt back.

Thankfully, Mitsuhide, who was seated right next to Hanbei, swiftly elbowed him in the side, wiping that teasing smile away. Bokuzen could see some faint smiles on the other retainers' faces at this, but no one dared laugh.

"I'm sure you're all wondering why I called you here today," Tatsuoki began, and continued before anyone could even fathom a guess, "It concerns some very unflattering stories I've been hearing. Hanbei!"

"Yes, my Lord?" Hanbei said calmly.

"How dare you go behind my back like this? Did you really think I wouldn't find out?" Everyone smiles vanished. Now all of their faces wearily read "Oh God, what did he do now?"

"What do you mean Lord Tatsuoki? I haven't done anything." Hanbei sounded genuinely confused.

"Don't play dumb with me!" Tatsuoki yelled in a high-pitched voice and pointed at him, "I've heard all about your upcoming nuptials!"

Hanbei grinned. "Oh yeah, I was going to tell you _all_ about that. But Lord Tatsuoki, to think that you'd find out about this on your own! And so quickly too! I'm impressed. You're really becoming a fine Lord." Fewer words could sound less sincere than that, even without the absolutely deadpan tone. It was as if Hanbei wasn't even trying anymore.

Even Tatsuoki wasn't falling for them. "Don't make fun of me," he whined, "You don't think I know what you're planning with this sham of a wedding? Well you're wrong! Rejected! Denied! There will be no wedding!"

Hanbei's smile vanished for real now and his jaw dropped. Morinari, who was seated at his other side, was also taken aback. This shocking declaration resonated with the other retainers and they stared at Hanbei dumbfounded.

"M-my Lord?" Hanbei stuttered.

"My Lord, what is the meaning of this?" Morinari spoke up as well. Tatsuoki glared at him as well.

"Ah yes. Ando Morinari, the other one behind all of this," he sneered, "I heard about this little wedding arrangement you two thought up. I bet you're very eager to unite your clans and then plot against your Lord."

"P-plot against?" Morinari couldn't believe his ears.

"Lord Tatsuoki, are you feeling okay?" Hanbei frowned, "I would never—

"You'll speak when you're spoken to!" Tatsuoki shrieked, "Of course you would never! Because _I_ would never allow it. You are _never_ getting married as long as I'm in charge here! Council adjourned." He stormed out of the room without another word, his stunned page trailing after him.

For a moment no one spoke. All eyes were fixed on Hanbei who just sat still unable to fathom what just happened. It certainly didn't look like an act in Bokuzen's eyes. Hanbei would never, under any circumstances, allow himself to appear weak in front of the other vassals, so when he pulled his hat over his eyes and looked down, and his shoulders started shaking slightly, everyone knew that, yes, this _had_ really just happened.

"I believe this council has been adjourned," Mitsuhide was the first to speak and he quickly stood protectively in front of Hanbei. "I'm sure everyone here still has work to do." He glanced at the ceiling briefly as a reminder. There was little protest as everyone filed out of the room. Mitsuhide crouched down in front of Hanbei, whispered something softly (words of encouragement, most likely) before leaving as well. Only Morinari sat transfixed in place. Bokuzen considered saying something encouraging to him, but couldn't find the words. Ittetsu just gave him a shrug and left.

Outside of the council room, everyone was discreetly gathered around, trying to peek inside. Even Mitsuhide was watching the situation wearily, and if someone as polite as Mitsuhide was resorting to this, then Bokuzen wasn't going to miss out either. The door was open just a crack.

Inside, now that they were alone, Morinari moved to comfort Hanbei by placing a hand on his shoulder, but Hanbei quickly brushed him off and stood up.

"It's alright, I'm not crying," he said calmly, "I was just hoping Mitsuhide would get everyone out." Luckily no one made any sound to give them all away, but a few heads turned to the named party, who just rolled his eyes.

"Good, good," Morinari said, getting up as well. He wasn't sure how to really proceed with the conversation. "Hanbei—

"I am so sorry Lord Morinari," he suddenly cried out, "This is all my fault." Bokuzen waited for the catch. Hanbei never spoke so honestly.

There wasn't one.

"I don't know how Lord Tatsuoki found out about this so quickly, but this contrary reaction must be his revenge for my moving a few desks around."

"Hanbei, you did a lot more than "move a few desks around"," Morinari sighed and scratched his head, "What a mess though. I don't think we can proceed with the wedding like this."

"No. Considering the accusation, we're lucky all he did was veto the marriage. If we push him now, we might lose our fiefs. Or worse."

"I agree. Oh boy, what am I going to tell my daughter? She really had her heart set on this."

"Please allow me to do that," Hanbei insisted, "I owe her that much. She's a good girl."

"Of course," Morinari smiled softly, "Looks like you'll be keeping your bachelorhood a while longer."

"Yes," Hanbei's voice was somber, "I really did go too far this time. I bet everyone's getting a kick out of this." Bokuzen looked around. Even the men who really had it out for Hanbei seemed to pity his misfortune. Bokuzen was among them. Being accused of being a usurper in front of everyone and _then_ being told you couldn't marry the girl you liked couldn't have been a good feeling.

"It's hard to blame them," Morinari admitted, "We've been facing the brunt of Lord Tatsuoki's prank-induced-paranoia for months now. We all figured it'd be your turn eventually."

"And so it is," Hanbei scratched the back of his head nervously, "I'm going to have to lay off him for a while. At least until he trusts me enough to let me onto the top floor again."

"When that happens, you should see if you can't work your magic on him," Morinari suggested, "Once he's calmed down enough, he might give you permission to get married. I'm sure Tokugetsu-In wouldn't mind the wait."

"Lord Tatsuoki is a pretty stubborn guy. He might not go back on his word for the rest of his life just to spite me," Hanbei pointed out.

"Hey, anything can happen. We might not even be serving him for the rest of _our_ lives." Bokuzen frowned. To bring something like that up so casually, especially after hearing Lord Tatsuoki's accusations…Morinari had to be aware that at least someone was listening in, right?

Hanbei certainly was, for he looked directly at the opened door with a stern expression for a moment. "He's only human," his words were very carefully selected, "At the rate that he's drinking, he should probably think about getting him_self_ a proper heir. You have another daughter, right?"

"Very funny, Hanbei," Morinari flicked his forehead, "I'm counting on you to break the news to Tokugetsu-In. When things settle down, you still have my blessing to marry her. If she's willing to wait for you, anyway."

"Thank you, Lord Morinari. I truly am sorry about this."

Aware that the conversation was over, the other vassals quickly dispersed. Bokuzen stuck around though, along with Ittetsu, hoping to catch Morinari to discuss that dangerous slip he made. Hanbei may have swiftly turned it into a joke, but if he had truly caught onto the real meaning, others might have too.

Mitsuhide's stern expression seemed to only intensify as the conversation continued after all.

* * *

><p>X.<p>

"So it's really over?"

Mitsuhide just smiled softly and nodded as he watched Oyu's face go through a variety of expressions as she took in the news.

When Hanbei had first dragged Mitsuhide into his plan, Mitsuhide had been skeptical. Hanbei's idea to spread unfavorable gossip among the maids and pages had its risks, and could have easily cost him and Morinari their lives; something Mitsuhide had explicated in great detail.

"Don't worry about that," Hanbei assured him, "Lord Tatsuoki greatly values Lord Morinari, and deep, _deep_, down he considers me useful as well, so he even at his worst, he won't risk losing his strategist and one of the Mino Three without concrete evidence. I'll have him think the wedding is a legitimate alliance between two tense clans, so if he stops the wedding, he'll stop the plot. Ah, but even if that somehow fails, I have several contingency plans to protect Lord Morinari and my family, so don't worry."

Whatever that contingency plan was, it turned out to be unnecessary. Lord Tatsuoki had swallowed the rumors at face value (his ongoing paranoia and inebriation probably helped with that), and acted just as Hanbei predicted. On top of that, his behavior was so over-the-top and outrageous, that even Hanbei's enemies couldn't take their Lord's claims seriously. And then the heartfelt apology to Morinari, and promise not to pull any more pranks, really made them sympathetic. It didn't mean that any of them actually _liked_ Hanbei now, but quite a significant amount of animosity had been dispelled with that performance.

It was dirty, underhanded, and frighteningly effective. Mitsuhide, on some level, was genuinely impressed.

"Wow," Oyu considered all of this and sighed, "I suspected he had thought up something last night but, but to get everything resolved so quickly…"

"Your brother is very smart when it comes to getting himself out of his messes," Mitsuhide chuckled, "Now if only he were smart enough not to get into them in the first place." Oyu nodded, wholeheartedly agreeing with the sentiment.

"He must cause you a lot of trouble. Thank you for always looking out for him."

"He's a good friend, Oyu," Mitsuhide assured her, "But our friendship doesn't come cheap. In exchange for me helping him set the whole thing up, he finally told me the secret of the scrambled rooms."

"Oh? What is the secret?"

"He mirrored them," Mitsuhide told her, "Now that we know that, getting them back in order is _much_ easier."

"Thank goodness."

The two of them sat on the porch for a while drinking their tea in silence as the cool breeze danced around them. After a while though, Oyu broke the silence,

"So what is my brother doing now?"

"He went fishing with your younger brother," Mitsuhide answered, without missing a beat, "And then he's planning on visiting the Ando household to apologize to Morinari's daughter. He said not to wait for him tonight."

"Alright," Oyu nodded, "I'm glad my brother is at least taking responsibility for this. My, what a strange week."

"I agree," Mitsuhide paused thoughtfully, "But it will make a good story for you to laugh about one day. I bet _she_ would have enjoyed it immensely."

"She?" Oyu questioned, but then her eyes flickered in understanding so Mitsuhide didn't clarify. "She" was, of course, the one person Hanbei would never win against, and the one, Mitsuhide suspected, he would always pine for. If she were still in Mino, she would have easily seen right through Hanbei's plan to have Lord Tatsuoki veto the marriage and would have personally convinced her nephew to _endorse_ it instead. Watching Hanbei squirm under such a turn of events would have been quite a show for her.

Of course, speaking realistically, if she were still in Mino, things would have been very different altogether.

Thinking about her always made Mitsuhide feel nostalgic for the old days when they were all young and innocent. It wasn't particularly a pleasant feeling though. Mitsuhide didn't have time to dwell on a past long gone so he was grateful when Oyu spoke up again, bringing him back to the present.

"I hope Tokugetsu-In isn't too hurt by all of this. It's not her fault my brother's so hopeless." Mitsuhide shrugged.

"If she isn't, I wonder what Hanbei will do. They're still engaged after all."

"Huh? Really?"

"Morinari agreed that they can't have the wedding as long as Lord Tatsuoki is against it. But circumstances change, and if they do and Tokugetsu-In is still willing…"

"I see," Oyu considered this, "Do you think it'll happen?"

Mitsuhide looked up to the sky, at the passing clouds. The wind was blowing in the direction of Owari, taking the clouds with it. Back at the castle, Morinari said anything could happen and he was right. The situation in Mino was very unstable right now, with the Oda stalking the border and the mysterious monkey-faced man reportedly approaching Mino's top generals, on top of Lord Tatsuoki's own abysmal handling of his administration. It was really no wonder Hanbei kept stirring up trouble.

_By this time next year, he could decide he's finally had enough, pack his bags and go hole himself up on some mountain somewhere, _Mitsuhide thought, _and morale among the troops is so low, they're liable to start defecting soon._

Things were quiet enough now, but as soon as Nobunaga tried to invade again, there would be no more time to talk of marriage and the like.

But Mitsuhide couldn't say any of that to Oyu.

"Anything's possible."

_Or by this time next year, nothing will have really changed, and who knows? Maybe Hanbei really will marry that girl._

* * *

><p><em>~Fin~<em>

* * *

><p><strong><em>AN_:** Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed it :)

To answer Mitsuhide's thoughts, Hanbei did eventually marry that girl since Ando Morinari's daughter Tokugetsu-In was his historical wife...that's all of the info I have on her. (Anything else is artistic license!)

Personally (in keeping with this fic), I imagine between a castle takeover, the Mino Three's defection, and Hanbei's retirement to the mountains and brief service to the Azai, the whole engagement was kinda forgotten until Anegawa (where Hanbei historically served under Morinari). I imagine Morinari suddenly remembered it, came up to Hanbei and basically said "Hey, long time no see. Remember my daughter? She's still single. I talked to your Lord Hideyoshi and he totally supports this." and that was that...

This fic really turned out different from what I expected. I _wanted_ to write a silly Wodehouse-esque marriage comedy (full of misunderstandings and witticisms and the like), but this story took a life of it's own and really went places (for better or for worse really. I have mixed feelings about the end result.). Although Hanbei still got to be the Jeeves to his own Wooster so that counts, right?

Although I do like how it wound up pretty much the opposite of "The Runaround". This time, rather than knowing only what the viewpoint character knows, the reader gets every perspective and watches the chaos unfold all around. :D


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